in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
