i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
