I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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