new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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