i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
