I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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