when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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