tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
