I skipped work to stalk him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
