I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I AM VODKA MAN
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
