yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
