i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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