oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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