Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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