the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
