she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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