After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
