I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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