OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
