It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
