went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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