I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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