There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
