Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
