i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
