were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
