I want to have your abortion
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
