After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
