Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
