Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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