you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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