i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did i walk over a car last night?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
