Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
