she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Blow job season was short but glorious.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
