I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
