I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
