well you can't waste a boner
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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