I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
