I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
420 ftw
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
