Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
