and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
