I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just had sex bonerless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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