He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
