Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
