I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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