party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
