Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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