Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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