uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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