you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
