Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You are the jesus of drinking
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
