you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
