In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
