So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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